NO BALLS

Whew! The Dodgers finally lived up to their name. They narrowly Dodged a bullet this week, successfully honoring LGBTQ+ individuals at their annual Pride Night Celebration. It should be noted that every other team in Major League Baseball hosts a pride event except for the Texas Rangers, who apparently were frustrated after not being able to find the word LGBTQ+ in the dictionary

The fiasco started when the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a long-standing satire group, comically dressed as nuns, often presenting drag shows poking fun at the Catholic Church, were chosen by the Dodgers to be honored for their many years of service to the gay community. This elicited strong protest and condemnation by two paragons of tolerance and inclusion; Mike Pence, a man so afraid of his sexuality that he won’t have dinner with another woman unless his wife is present, and Marco Rubio, who has spent the last two years attempting to cleanse history of any reference to slavery. The Dodgers responded in cowardly fashion, catcher's cup between their legs, by rescinding the invitation, only to face such acrimonious protest by groups ranging from the ACLU to government officials to LA Pride that they re-invited the Sisters.

All went well as the Dodgers managed to pull of the event by keeping protestors outside the main entrance to the stadium and then furtively honoring the Sisters - about an hour before the game - in front of a nearly empty stadium. Go Dodgers!

Which brings us to Clayton Kershaw, ace Dodger pitcher and closet homophobe. Kershaw was upset that any group would make fun of religion, much less Catholics. “This has nothing to do with the LGBTQ community... this is simply a group that was making fun of religion.” I can understand his attitude, coming from the great pitcher he is, considering the Roman Catholic team leads the league every year in child molesting. Nothing to laugh about there.

In that spirit Kershaw pressured the Dodgers to bring back Christian Faith and Family Day. Apparently being White, Male and Christian in America is not enough for the thin-skinned Kershaw, so a special day to honor the most powerful, dominant class of people in the history of the world would balance things out. The Dodgers, suddenly a team with no balls quickly acquiesced to the intimidation. Not to be (outed?) out done, they have also scheduled an August 30 Jewish Community Day, complete with LA Dodgers yarmulkes.

Although Kershaw quickly took down his Twitter account, several eagle-eyed fans noted an odd petition to also stage a White Christian Cy Young Award-winning left handed pitcher night. The only honoree for this event would be Kershaw, himself, and possibly George Santos. Kershaw refused to comment.

This entire incident has sparked several other Major League teams to sponsor nights of their own. The Padres are planning a Jesuit Family Night with free bleacher seats to all who can recite three Hail Marys. Box seat upgrades for those who can recite in the original Latin. Who knew baseball could be so much fun?