A LINE IN THE SAND

Suzanne Hadley’s quest for the ceremonial Mayor’s gavel got a boost today when a team of archaeologists near Mt. Ararat in Turkey unearthed an ancient tablet containing Biblical writing. The newly deciphered scripture reads: Thou shalt not interfereth with the Manhattan Beach Mayor rotation.

One Hadley supporter was heard to say: “See, if God had wanted a Mayor who believed in science or had sensitivity to minority issues in the community he would have said so.”

Another commented: “All those Commies defying God’s commands will be punished. I’d make ‘em watch reruns of The Apprentice until they grovel and repent.”

Hadley, known for making outrageous and hurtful statements on nationwide television could not be reached for comment.

Several scientists at the excavation site expressed doubt about the authenticity of the discovery. One noted that a strange poster reading Thank You MBPD was found a short distance from the tablet.

Hadley supporters have promised to bring autographed copies of the tablet (Limited Edition) to the Board meeting Tuesday to ensure Hadley takes her place as Mayor, much to the chagrin of the 68% of residents who resoundingly voted in the recent election for an end to crude, unsophisticated and divisive behavior. Alas, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Anyone interested in purchasing a copy of the tablet will also receive a bonus Stop The Steal poster at no extra charge.